Kili Entry 2 - The Summit

On August 28th at around 7:30 am I summitted Mount Kilimanjaro with @indyeva, one of the seven peaks (highest mountain in each continent), and the highest freestanding mountain in the World using the Marangu Route, 5895 meters tall after 6 days of acclimatization at very high altitude.

I remember half of it. I hallucinated, remembered random memories from my life, prayed to my grandparents to let me be weak, without vomitting, and asked the mountain if she would grant me permission to climb all the way to the peak while recognizing her ruthlessness and strength.

Coming up I told myself I would never put myself through something like that ever again. Nearing the summit and seeing people coming down, strangers from all over the planet pushed to their absolute limit, is when I broke apart, had and let out the most beautiful hugs and cries I’ve ever had in my life. Something like a fever dream.

My lungs were weak, from the lack of oxygen, cold and dry, every painful breath felt like the last.

The guides and porters I had alongside my climb were and are living angels and my highlight of this trip. To see me at my most vulnerable state, begging them to not let me die in a very confused state, grabbing onto them, carrying my backpack, motivating me, even making me drink Coca Cola like a child to give me a boost and when it finally clicked why they call it the Coca Cola route. I wasn’t proud at the top, because it did not even feel like it was me who carried my body, my legs did, but something else carried me over there.

The guides are like therapist observing your mental state and symptoms long before it meets the eye. They told me, “We really like you, but you are negative. You keep saying you cannot do it, but you are strong, you are a lioness.” I think I am known from my inner circle as someone that is absolutely fearless, but I was scared before leaving for Africa, and absolutely terried during. Perhaps this climb was to dig to the deepest parts of myself and the fears that are hidden inside.

I am still searching to make sense out the sense of achievement we can find in pain, suffering, and hardships.