It’s my birthday!!!

27! And not exactly what I thought it would look like. I do a lot, and I make it look easy. For the most part, it is easy. Easy to follow my intuition and inner calling. Easy to jump headfirst without fear, only for the feet to follow behind. Easy having prestigious studies and a prestigious career—and “throwing it all away.”

But it’s not always easy.

Sometimes I lie awake alone, paralyzed by fear, doubts, isolation, embarrassment, incomprehension, and criticism.

I found a lot of growth on the mat, in yoga, in ashrams. This is another type of growth—in the outside and “real” world. It’s ugly, it’s messy, it’s a whole lot of vulnerability. Sometimes I feel like I must have lost my mind and everyone must think I’ve gone nuts. I feel so exposed and notice the micro-tiny looks, comments, and expressions I get—even from the ones I love most.

I’ve been told by men the world was not made of magic or daisies.
I’ve been told by bosses to stop bulldozing into departments like a bullet and trying to change things.
I’ve been fired—once—for not being a good fit.

One thing is for sure: I will never not be unapologetically myself.

Why should I do what everyone is doing, just because everyone is doing it?
Why should I water myself down, because I am too hard to digest?
Why must I shrink myself, because I take up too much space?
Why must I suffer to uphold the status quo?
Why must I bite my tongue when my lips are burning—when I am not hurting anyone or anything in the process?

I will try to change things if I am miserable or suffering.
Because the default setting for humans is happiness.

We run around, overbooked, numbed through distractions, purchases, relationships—making ourselves dizzy to avoid facing the reality that there is no purpose, no goal, no meaning—other than to enjoy the passing of time, and the juicy palette of emotions and experiences, as much as we can.

That is one scary and liberating thought.

There’s a whole list of shoulds that are just completely made up, that we never stopped to question in the first place.

The compliment I receive the most is how inspiring and strong I am.
But we are all creative, inspiring, and strong—you only need to practice it more!
Do one thing that scares you. One thing that puts you in a vulnerable position.
One thing to get over the initial cringe.

BIG FRENCH KISS